The Bad Flasher

My life changed for the worse – worse than it already was – the day after a young, quick thinking woman in Manhattan named Thao Nguyen snapped a picture with her cell phone camera of New York restaurant owner Dan Hoyt exposing himself to her on a subway car.

She was smart. He was stupid. He got arrested and Ms. Nguyen got a lot of positive, and supportive press in New York. That’s the cover of the New York Daily News up there, with Ms. Nguyen holding the cell that holds Mr. Hoyt.

And there’s Mr. Hoyt, being thrown into his cell – caught in the act by Ms. Nguyen. I just don’t understand what he was thinking when this happened. Well, that’s not entirely correct, since I do know what he was thinking. I know, because he told reporters what he was thinking after he was arrested.

“I’ve met women who enjoy it. After this incident happened, I had a woman tell me, ‘You know, that sounds exciting to me.’ She wouldn’t mind being on the other end.” And about his jailer? Hoyt said that if he and Ms. Nguyen had met under different circumstances, she might enjoy his company. “You know, she’d go, ‘That guy’s pretty cool. He’s got this restaurant, and he’s fun.’ She’d probably want to go out with me.”

There’s an old saying in the criminal world that goes something like this: If you’re going to be a criminal, be one twenty-four hours a day.

This was, I think, Daniel Hoyt’s problem. He committed a crime like an amateur, a part-timer, a temp-job criminal. He deserved what he received because of it. The motherfucker didn’t even think he was committing a crime. And so, because of his amateurish efforts, and his ego, and because of Ms. Nguyen’s use of her mind in a circumstance not invited or wished for, he fucked up a lot of shit for guys like me. He made it harder for me to do successfully what he failed so miserably at. I’m not a violent person, and haven’t ever been, but his act of selfishness and carelessness makes me want to beat him into a painful and crippled future.

This crime he perpetrated is, in the larger context of criminal behavior, not so bad. It’s not as though he murdered someone. But, it’s still a crime. And crime is crime. And I’m the first to admit that while there may not be honor among thieves, there is a code of conduct in the [professional] criminal’s world. Even if the criminals are at the lowest level of the underworld food chain. Like, here, for example.

My crime of choice – flashing –  is one not recognized or respected by that world’s code, or by the code lived by the convict, on the darker side of that world. What I do is considered a crime of the weak, perpetrated on the innocent by the deviant, needy and unmanly. I accept that. And that willingness to accept it gives me all the more reason to be as careful as I can be. If my crime was, say, holding up armored cars, I’d earn some respect in the world of the criminal. But flashing girls? The cops want to catch me. The women I’d violate want to castrate me, and other criminals, were I to end up in jail for what I do, would scorn me. Then abuse me. Talk about a three-time loser. And I haven’t even been arrested yet.

And then Daniel Hoyt comes along, and millions of women in New York City all of a sudden say, “This phone has a camera in it? Cool!”

And I am royally screwed. For about a year. I modified some things.

Thanks, Dan.

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